There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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