he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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