But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
