So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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