I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
