We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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