Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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