The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
