Ambien. No doubt about it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize