Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize