if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
bring money and cleavage
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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