if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This is my gift to your gina
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
