Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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