They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
