Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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