My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
