Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
