don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
