I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
