so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
