I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
