And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
