Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
