i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
