i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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