I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
