Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
