Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
