please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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