She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
