Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
