I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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