What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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