Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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