my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
