i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
