I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize