you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize