i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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