i wish peter jackson would direct porn
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
