If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Two words: blizzard sex
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
