He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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