If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
