I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
as a side note pls kill me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
