barbara walters just said penis...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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