I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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