I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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