I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
