Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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