I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
