yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
