People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
