He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
