You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
