it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
