guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What happened to fro yo and sex?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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