I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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