I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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