I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
