i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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