Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
