This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Houston, we have a blender
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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