uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
