Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
