I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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