I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
