remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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