I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
