Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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