pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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