well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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