i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
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I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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