The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
