It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
