I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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