i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
