Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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