Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
